theresamichelle

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 02:04:39 GMT

i hate my body.
i hate my mind.
i have the best person in the world.
i wish i could treat him the way he deserves.
i have not done anything bad,
but my personality,
paranoia, clingy,
its hard when ive never felt this way. i feel like a crazy stalker but my love is true and its lasting so long

pinky princess promise.

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 03:36:53 GMT

i plan on going missing soon

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 02:57:00 GMT

does your neck ever get tired from constantly turning your head?

i havent forgotten. they might try to pretend. to remember to forget what you've done. you might not hear it anymore but i do. every morning. i feel sorry for the things you've done, but my sympathy wont get you anywhere.
i wish i could punch you in the face and it will all go backwards and i'd have picked him up form work. and ava wouldn't have TWO unstable parents. and spend her first year in this world would be without betrayal, alcohol, lies, begging, guilt, and jail. you spread your legs and she's paying the consequences.
and now she has people that care. that took you in after you have stabbed them in the backs then spit in their faces.
and now you want to take her away.

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 21:01:06 GMT

your family and im supposed to love you.

but you keep making the sorst decisions of your entire life and i'm embarassed to be your younger sister

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 02:45:59 GMT

i appreciate everyone.

sometimes i forget how lucky i am.
im thankful.
i just want everyone to know, the people that i love, and the people that hate me...
i pray for you every morning

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 04:34:03 GMT

i swear i'm overprotective of the ones that i love.

test me.

i fucking dare you.

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:19:47 GMT

NEVER WILL I LEAVE YOU, NEVER WILL I FORESAKE YOU...

what am i doing wrong, if i'm calling on you and im just getting nothing?
im sorry im sorry im sorry.
i feel foresaken but that would be a lie. you would never do that.
so what am i doing wrong?
i guess im just not a good enough person,
because everything around me, my house, my job, and the love of my life,

i dont deserve them, and its driving me crazy. but inside i dont feel your spark. i used to be filled, now im running on empty.
please God, i need you now.
not just for the reason to be worthy of my life, my house, my family, my job, and most importantly my boyfriend...
but to show you that i love you.
to make you proud.
to do whatever you wish of me.

please just answer.
i dont want to fall in the whole i was in before

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 02:39:02 GMT

today i had three customers snap at me.
i spilled three smoothies in my car.
i got to work a split shift.
i got to see my boyfriend for one hour and twenty five minutes.

then i realized how much that one hour and twenty five minutes means to me.
i got my paycheck with my new raise
i realize that God is here. not just for the believers, but everyone that curses His name.
he's there for everyone and me.
he gave me gifts.
and just my promise to Him is enough not to relapse into my own truman show world.
and then i think of the gifts.
and the one that saved my life.
and im thankful.
then i found a word for the rib.

then i realized how lonely i get when try to ignore my number one priority.
and i think... Why does He love me? why did i get all these gifts?
and i realize i'm selfish.
and i'm sorry God.
but You know deep down how i feel.
and i love you too.

life's not easy for a biopolar girl like me

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 02:57:50 GMT

i love you!

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 22:02:35 GMT

what ever happened...

to late nights at the beach
to frgs
to mk64
to sandwich
to the office thursday nights
to sleepovers
to hide and seek
to bounce houses
to the whole big group.

i cant wait for a blue moon.
maybe then we can all hang out again

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 03:30:57 GMT

I LOVE THE WAY YOU LAUGH AT YOUR OWN JOKES.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU PLAY WITH YOUR NIECE AND NEPHEW.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE FACES WHEN YOUR CONCENTRATING REALLY HARD.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE FACES WHEN YOU MESS UP.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE A SIMPLE JOKE, BUT ITS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE HEARD SINCE SLICED BREAD.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH YOUR FRIENDS MEAN TO YOU.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU PUT GOD FIRST.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU ARE CAREFUL NOT TO EAT TO MANY SWEDISH FISH OR DRINK TO MUCH CACTUS COOLER.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU TEACH ME HOW TO PLAY DRUMS.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU PULL MY HAND BACK, JUST A LITTLE BIT BEFORE I CROSS THE STREET, JUST IN CASE A CAR COMES

I LOVE THE WAY YOU TALK DURING MOVIES WITH ME.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU GIVE ME FAITH IN PEOPLE.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU LAY ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR WHEN YOU EAT DINNER

I LOVE THE WAY YOU COME UP BEHIND ME AND KISS ME ON THE CHEEK WHEN I'M
MAKING DINNER

I LOVE THE WAY YOU GIVE ME A PIGGY BACK RIDE EVERY NIGHT WHEN YOU WALK ME
TO THE CAR

I LOVE THE WAY YOU START TO BLUSH WHEN YOU START SINGING REALLY LOUD BECAUSE YOU FORGOT THAT YOU'RE IN PUBLIC

I LOVE YOU.

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 22:46:06 GMT

i'm tired

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 04:03:35 GMT

i;m getting so scared of losing what i love.
i'm really scared.
i dont want it to fade away.
i want to keep it. forever and ever.
and i just want to share what has been given to me

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 21:50:45 GMT

im sorry.
im sorry ive said im sorry before
and im sorry im saying it again
for being up front..
and being selfish by not wanting to keep it bottled up
and what better person to spill than to you
but its not a burden i just feel crazy for you knowing me better than other people
i dont think youve asked for it
and my mood swings are worse than ever

and this morning i woke up and i was fine. good. and i talked to you just the same. and i laughed.

so thanks for putting up with me

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 17:42:45 GMT

someone who will never give up

and always stand there

and keep pursuing

and work

and pay bills

and have a social life

and enjoy every minute of it.

thats not me.

i give up

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 17:35:02 GMT

shit.
im sorry i came out this way
that you get so frustrated
because im not what you hoped for
because im not what you wanted
its depressing being around someone that gets so frustrated they get depressed because everything turned out the way it did.
because i turned out the way i did
but shit.
cant you just forget it for one day
i am your daughter

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 21:16:54 GMT

someday i just want it to hit me.
and just for that day, all the desicions i make are the right ones.
how to deal with work
and family i like
and friends i miss
and old friends i never see
and family i dont like
and my own confusing feelings that seriously drive me insane
i get so anxious and trip myself out, and spoil the only good, not so clear of understanding things i like to do.
just once i want to be able to say somthing that i mean, that wont screw up everything and everyone, separating myselft even farther.

aww poop.
analyzing is no fun

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 21:49:42 GMT

i want to be a pin up girl.
thats what i want to be when i grow up

to everyone who's listening these are for you

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 21:40:52 GMT

you dont know me.
so stop pretending like you do.
dont flatter yourself.
get out of my life.
and never say that you wanted to be in it forever.
--------------------------
you are not an asshole.
so dont think you are
im not so different
and thats why we clash sometimes
its not a bad thing
--------------------------
i dont know what i did.
so im sorry
but you're still apart of my life
and so is your family
you were a pretty cool friend
i dont know what i did.
but she's my friend to
and your daughter is a gift
--------------------------------
im tired of all you leaving
but im really proud to say i know you

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 22:54:10 GMT

i'm going to die alone.
no boyfriend.
no baby.
no real anything.
friends are awesome, but clearly not alone.
im so bored.
and tired of this

i'm stuck in the truman show

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 03:16:24 GMT

those are really cool pictures of someone elses life.

screw that i don't want to pay my taxes. continue school. get another job. date anyone. find a husband. get married. start a family. live my life to what the movies tells me is normal.
i dont want any of it. now or ever.

i'm stuck in the truman show. and if i just lay down. maybe i wont be anymore. i just cant do anything right and that is something to see. i guess.

i need to get out of here. to the middle of nowhere.
where i wont be found.

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 04:45:19 GMT

valentines day is coming up.
and i'm seeing those hearts and flowers everywhere.

bummer.

today i layed in bed all day until 630.
i cant stand hearing my sisters wedding plans. im happy for her. but still.

if you like someone. you like them.
if you dont. you dont.
if you love them. you love them.
if you dont know how you feel. dont bring other people into it.

dont complicate things.

appreciate the things you have.

tomorow i'm going for a walk. or bike ride.
a long one.

today

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 05:04:37 GMT

i realized, once again, that right now i know i need things to be fixed. i've changed somehow over the past year, and i dont know if its for better or for worse, but its different. i'm on my way to fixing the things that i know need to be fixed. i know what i need now most is God. he's always been there, but especially lately its harder to find him. and have him stick. i need to read and spend more time with him. so thats what i'm doing now. i'm holding on and i'm not going to let go

i forgot i had a live journal

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 04:24:14 GMT

oh man oh man.
i love my friends.

Twizza from the 805

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 06:15:28 GMT

today in NY...

went to CBGB- (siqq)
went to st marks street and bought a lamb sweater at trash and vaudville
walked on the brooklyn bridge
saw the statue of liberty from a ferry and the entire city lit up at night- (rad)

went to my first "party" on the block
sat on my first stoop.
watched "ruby red" get a "flag" from her "friend/ boo"

and of course rode the subway over and over again.
anyone who loves to moto-surf will love the subways, or what lindsay calls the bus.

after all this and a nice meal of top ramen, i'm spent.
sleep should be good tonight.