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March 7th, 2009
06:01 pm
i hate my body.
i hate my mind.
i have the best person in the world.
i wish i could treat him the way he deserves.
i have not done anything bad,
but my personality,
paranoia, clingy,
its hard when ive never felt this way. i feel like a crazy stalker but my love is true and its lasting so long
pinky princess promise.
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January 13th, 2009
07:36 pm
i plan on going missing soon
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December 2nd, 2008
06:49 pm
does your neck ever get tired from constantly turning your head?
i havent forgotten. they might try to pretend. to remember to forget what you've done. you might not hear it anymore but i do. every morning. i feel sorry for the things you've done, but my sympathy wont get you anywhere.
i wish i could punch you in the face and it will all go backwards and i'd have picked him up form work. and ava wouldn't have TWO unstable parents. and spend her first year in this world would be without betrayal, alcohol, lies, begging, guilt, and jail. you spread your legs and she's paying the consequences.
and now she has people that care. that took you in after you have stabbed them in the backs then spit in their faces.
and now you want to take her away.
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November 11th, 2008
01:00 pm
your family and im supposed to love you.
but you keep making the sorst decisions of your entire life and i'm embarassed to be your younger sister
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August 20th, 2008
07:44 pm
i appreciate everyone.
sometimes i forget how lucky i am.
im thankful.
i just want everyone to know, the people that i love, and the people that hate me...
i pray for you every morning
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July 23rd, 2008
09:32 pm
i swear i'm overprotective of the ones that i love.
test me.
i fucking dare you.
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April 10th, 2008
03:14 pm
NEVER WILL I LEAVE YOU, NEVER WILL I FORESAKE YOU...
what am i doing wrong, if i'm calling on you and im just getting nothing?
im sorry im sorry im sorry.
i feel foresaken but that would be a lie. you would never do that.
so what am i doing wrong?
i guess im just not a good enough person,
because everything around me, my house, my job, and the love of my life,
i dont deserve them, and its driving me crazy. but inside i dont feel your spark. i used to be filled, now im running on empty.
please God, i need you now.
not just for the reason to be worthy of my life, my house, my family, my job, and most importantly my boyfriend...
but to show you that i love you.
to make you proud.
to do whatever you wish of me.
please just answer.
i dont want to fall in the whole i was in before
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March 18th, 2008
07:32 pm
today i had three customers snap at me.
i spilled three smoothies in my car.
i got to work a split shift.
i got to see my boyfriend for one hour and twenty five minutes.
then i realized how much that one hour and twenty five minutes means to me.
i got my paycheck with my new raise
i realize that God is here. not just for the believers, but everyone that curses His name.
he's there for everyone and me.
he gave me gifts.
and just my promise to Him is enough not to relapse into my own truman show world.
and then i think of the gifts.
and the one that saved my life.
and im thankful.
then i found a word for the rib.
then i realized how lonely i get when try to ignore my number one priority.
and i think... Why does He love me? why did i get all these gifts?
and i realize i'm selfish.
and i'm sorry God.
but You know deep down how i feel.
and i love you too.
life's not easy for a biopolar girl like me
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February 20th, 2008
February 19th, 2008
02:00 pm
what ever happened...
to late nights at the beach
to frgs
to mk64
to sandwich
to the office thursday nights
to sleepovers
to hide and seek
to bounce houses
to the whole big group.
i cant wait for a blue moon.
maybe then we can all hang out again
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January 22nd, 2008
07:17 pm
I LOVE THE WAY YOU LAUGH AT YOUR OWN JOKES.
I LOVE THE WAY YOU PLAY WITH YOUR NIECE AND NEPHEW.
I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE FACES WHEN YOUR CONCENTRATING REALLY HARD.
I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE FACES WHEN YOU MESS UP.
I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE A SIMPLE JOKE, BUT ITS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE HEARD SINCE SLICED BREAD.
I LOVE THE WAY YOU NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH YOUR FRIENDS MEAN TO YOU.
I LOVE THE WAY YOU PUT GOD FIRST.
I LOVE THE WAY YOU ARE CAREFUL NOT TO EAT TO MANY SWEDISH FISH OR DRINK TO MUCH CACTUS COOLER.
I LOVE THE WAY YOU TEACH ME HOW TO PLAY DRUMS.
I LOVE THE WAY YOU PULL MY HAND BACK, JUST A LITTLE BIT BEFORE I CROSS THE STREET, JUST IN CASE A CAR COMES
I LOVE THE WAY YOU TALK DURING MOVIES WITH ME.
I LOVE THE WAY YOU GIVE ME FAITH IN PEOPLE.
I LOVE THE WAY YOU LAY ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR WHEN YOU EAT DINNER
I LOVE THE WAY YOU COME UP BEHIND ME AND KISS ME ON THE CHEEK WHEN I'M
MAKING DINNER
I LOVE THE WAY YOU GIVE ME A PIGGY BACK RIDE EVERY NIGHT WHEN YOU WALK ME
TO THE CAR
I LOVE THE WAY YOU START TO BLUSH WHEN YOU START SINGING REALLY LOUD BECAUSE YOU FORGOT THAT YOU'RE IN PUBLIC
I LOVE YOU.
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November 19th, 2007
November 7th, 2007
08:00 pm
i;m getting so scared of losing what i love.
i'm really scared.
i dont want it to fade away.
i want to keep it. forever and ever.
and i just want to share what has been given to me
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July 1st, 2007
02:45 pm
im sorry.
im sorry ive said im sorry before
and im sorry im saying it again
for being up front..
and being selfish by not wanting to keep it bottled up
and what better person to spill than to you
but its not a burden i just feel crazy for you knowing me better than other people
i dont think youve asked for it
and my mood swings are worse than ever
and this morning i woke up and i was fine. good. and i talked to you just the same. and i laughed.
so thanks for putting up with me
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June 23rd, 2007
10:42 am
someone who will never give up and always stand there and keep pursuing and work and pay bills and have a social life and enjoy every minute of it. thats not me. i give up
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10:33 am
shit.
im sorry i came out this way
that you get so frustrated
because im not what you hoped for
because im not what you wanted
its depressing being around someone that gets so frustrated they get depressed because everything turned out the way it did.
because i turned out the way i did
but shit.
cant you just forget it for one day
i am your daughter
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June 21st, 2007
02:13 pm
someday i just want it to hit me.
and just for that day, all the desicions i make are the right ones.
how to deal with work
and family i like
and friends i miss
and old friends i never see
and family i dont like
and my own confusing feelings that seriously drive me insane
i get so anxious and trip myself out, and spoil the only good, not so clear of understanding things i like to do.
just once i want to be able to say somthing that i mean, that wont screw up everything and everyone, separating myselft even farther.
aww poop.
analyzing is no fun
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June 15th, 2007
02:49 pm
i want to be a pin up girl.
thats what i want to be when i grow up
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April 25th, 2007
02:34 pm - to everyone who's listening these are for you
you dont know me.
so stop pretending like you do.
dont flatter yourself.
get out of my life.
and never say that you wanted to be in it forever.
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you are not an asshole.
so dont think you are
im not so different
and thats why we clash sometimes
its not a bad thing
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i dont know what i did.
so im sorry
but you're still apart of my life
and so is your family
you were a pretty cool friend
i dont know what i did.
but she's my friend to
and your daughter is a gift
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im tired of all you leaving
but im really proud to say i know you
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April 13th, 2007
03:52 pm
i'm going to die alone.
no boyfriend.
no baby.
no real anything.
friends are awesome, but clearly not alone.
im so bored.
and tired of this
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